Not divorced yet dating
What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.We may be imagining all sorts of problems that may or may not exist or we’re rationalising our own boundaries, values, and even prior experiences of being in one of these situations (so knowing that we may struggle with the emotional consequences) and are thinking along the lines of, ‘Well…I’m of a certain age so I need to prepare myself for turning a blind eye to any code amber / red actions and indications because people in this age group tend to be recently broken up / separated / divorced‘. There’s no easy answer to the question of what the ‘right time’ is for dating a separated or recently divorced person.What you have to keep in mind is that separated is still married until the divorce is finalised and that means that there’s likely to be emotional as well as legal ties.It would be handy if we could avoid the vulnerability that comes with doing the due diligence and taking appropriate action where needed.If you begin dating before your divorce is final, you are technically committing adultery.You’re still married, and married people can’t enter into intimate relationships with anyone other than their spouses.
If neither of you has filed for divorce yet, you’re even more vulnerable. But separated.”I have said these words out loud on about a half-dozen dates in the last few months and, on other occasions, I haven’t said them at all—opting instead to say them internally over casual drinks with a potential love interest.I like to think that if I’ve said them in my head with the of injecting them into the conversation, it gets me off the hook somehow.That way, should the topic come up later, I can actually say, “Oh, I told you, didn’t I? I struggle enough with the fact that my marriage came to an end after just a year and a half, that my husband cheated on me, and left me for a girl 28 years his junior, just two years older than his daughter from a previous marriage.I guess you just didn’t hear me.”Being married, but separated, is no picnic. All of that is embarrassing, no matter how you slice it or how many times friends and family tell me that he’s the one who should be embarrassed.
For example, the judge might disapprove of the dating spouse's behavior and develop a bias against them.